I Always Keep My Promise
by FallingDarkAngel
Summary: Kaidan didn't become un-paralyzed until after they had boarded him onto the SR2- Normandy.
1. Chapter 1

**Review and let me know what you think ****J Hope you all enjoy.**

**Chapter One**

_He stood in front of the giant Krogan statue, it towered towards the skies. He didn't quite understand why it was here, Korgan were feared and hated now and the statue confirmed their aggressive domineer. He knew he shouldn't be here, they'd be angry at him for leaving the group, but he didn't care._

"_This is my favourite one you know." A voice spoke from behind him._

_The sudden noise had startled him and he spun round to face the voice, he was greeted by a large pair of bright sapphire eyes, this person was far to close to him. He quickly stumbled backwards, almost tripping over himself. When he heard the giggle he realised it was a girl, around ten or so, standing in front of him, a large grin across her face. She looked fancy, like she was of some importance, golden loose ringlets of hair held back by a white ribbon, her space suit looked clean and top of the line; then he saw the doll she clutched in her right hand; a small stuffed Korgan doll._

"_Not much of a talker, huh?" She asked giving him another grin, tilting her head to the side. "That's alright." She added taking steps towards the edge of the lake, staring up at the statue. He stayed silent but joined her in looking up at the Korgan, yep, he still hated it. "This is my favourite statue you know," she started again. "Korgan's fascinate me. They live for, like, ever."_

"_They do not." He finally managed to find words._

_She turned to face him, grin back on her face. "So you do speak!" This seemed to excite her. "I'm Alyssa. Alyssa Rose Shepard." She saluted him respectively._

_He rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. "__Kaidan… Kaidan Alenko."_

"_It's nice to meet another kid." She said in just above a whisper. "I don't get to meet many on my parents' ships."_

"_You live on ships?"_

_She nodded her head. "I'm going to have a ship of my very own, one day."_

"_You sound confident of that."_

_Her grin returned to her face and she gave him a nod. "There isn't anything else I want more." She rocked back on her heels. "What do you want to do, Kaid?"_

_He frowned at this question, his life was crumbling around him right now, taken from his home to god knows where and she was asking him what he wanted to do in life? He wanted to yell at her, purely for his own sake, but he couldn't, he simply gave a shrug of his shoulders._

"_Alyssa!" A voice bellowed, Alyssa's head dropped and she let loose a sigh. "Come out here now young lady!"_

_Alyssa looked up at him one last time, her bright eyes staring right into his, smile across her red lips. She quickly closed the distance between them and threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. "Good luck." She whispered softly into his ear. "Hope to meet you again."_

_He wasn't sure how to reply to this strange girl, he hadn't met anyone quite like her before but he was unable to return the hug, confusion clouding his mind from thinking straight. Suddenly he felt Alyssa pulled harshly off him, a man gripping her shoulder, anger clear on his face._

"_What have I told you about running off, Alyssa? Now we're behind schedule and your mother is copping it." He yelled at her, never releasing his grip on her shoulder. "You're staying in your quarters when we get back on that ship, young lady." _

_Kaidan watched him pull her away, she looked upset and this made him uneasy, he didn't like seeing her that way and he wasn't sure why. His eyes slowly made their way down to the ground, the toy she had clung onto so tightly before lay on the ground, he bent down and took it in his grasp; it looked just like a real Krogan. He ran his thumb over its face, finding himself wanting to see her again._

Kaidan's eyes opened and before he did anything else he groaned, rolling to his back, staring up at the dull grey ceiling. That bloody dream again, every night, he'd dream of her. He had tried so hard to move on, the last two years had been hard, too bloody hard. He ran his hand over his face, rubbing each eye as he went before cupping his chin and groaning in frustration once more.

"Dream again?"

He shot upright in an instant, turning towards the voice with a frown on his face. The fast movement made his head pound. "Iris." He grumbled placing each index finger on his temples.

She smirked at him, leaning against the doorframe, arms folded across her chest. "Least it wasn't her death this time." He looked back up towards her, sending a glare but that just caused her to laugh. "Relax, no one else knows. But seriously, Kaid -"

"Don't call me that." He growled, interrupting her.

She pushed herself off the doorframe and unfolded her arms, a sigh escaping her pale lips. "It's been two years, Kaid… an."

"Leave now, solider." Kaidan sighed, pulling a shirt over his head. "I wasn't asking either."

She stopped in front of the small frame that sat on his desk, a photo of him with the crew that saved the Citadel. The great commander Shepard next to him, grin on her face even with the bandages she was covered in. Iris was the only person to work out that Kaidan had more then 'just a fascination' with his commanding officer. She picked up the frame and tilted it to the right, another picture revealed itself; it was just one of Shepard. Golden locks fell down passed her shoulders, her blue eyes shined and bright smile on her red lips against her white skin; Iris scoffed. "Too pretty."

"Put it down, Iris." Kaidan's patience was wearing thin now.

Iris sighed and dropped the frame back onto his desk. "She's dead, Kaidan." She took a hand through her short brown hair and sighed once more. "Move on." And with that she took her exit.

Kaidan pulled his blanket off and threw it at the end of the bed. He got to his feet and made his way towards his desk, reaching out for the frame. He stared down at the picture of Shepard, it was one of the few times she let her hair down and he loved it when she did. He ran his thumb over her lips and sighed, placing the frame back onto his desk and watched the picture change back to the first one.

It just wasn't the same without her.

No matter how much he tried to distract himself or move on, a memory would pull him back to square one. He reached in to the front pocket of his pants and slowly pulled out a small Korgan toy, it had seen better days, far too old now; he had always meant to give it back to her. He couldn't even bare to leave it at her grave.

He had never loved anyone like he'd loved Shepard, he probably never would. He quickly shook his head at that thought and shoved the Korgan toy back into his pocket. Everyone was right, he needed to move on, and she was gone.

"Alenko, Anderson asked to see you." Davidson spoke stopping just next to his door. "I don't know what about though."

Kaidan sighed and turned towards the man that was now in his presence; Davidson saluted and held his position. "At ease." He said. "Any new news, solider?" He walked out of his room and the young man quickly followed after him.

"Hot new Asari working down in Chora's den back at the Citadel." Davidson grinned but quickly cleared his throat when he saw the unchanged face of his superior. "There are rumours flying round that Commander Shepard is alive."

Without even thinking Kaidan turned to face him, slamming him up against the wall. "What?"

Davidson tried to keep calm but the charge around Kaidan's body put him a little off. "Um… Yeah. Couple said they've seen her in Omega but she might be working for Cerberus."

"That's ridicules." Kaidan growled, releasing his grip from the scruff of his shirt. "The Commander Shepard I served hated Cerberus, she'd never join them."

"Sure, it's not the fact she was spaced or anything…" Davidson muttered rolling his shoulders. "I'm just telling you what I've heard…Sir."

"Dismissed." Kaidan grumbled. He gave a flick of his hand to tell him to leave and continued on his way to the Comm. Room. His mind was racing, rumours that she's alive?

Impossible.

He remembered running to where the last pod had been collected by an Alliance ship, so relieved they had survived that attack. But when the door had been pulled open he saw only Joker, holding his dark blue cap in his finger tips, staring down at the ground. He remembered getting down into his face and yelling at him, asking where the hell Alyssa was. Joker finally looked up from the spot on the ground he had been staring at and whispered 'she was spaced…'

Even the thought of that moment made him shiver. He shook his head and entered the Comm. Room, a hologram of Anderson already up and waiting for him. "You wanted me, Sir?" Kaidan asked upon entry.

"_We have a lead that Horizon might be the next settlement to be attacked, if my thoughts are correct and it is Cerberus behind these attacks, I want you to be there to stop them."_ Anderson pointed his index finger towards him. _"Feelings aside, Commander."_

This made his stomach churn, was she really alive? "Feelings, Sir?"

"_I'm sure you've heard by now of the unconfirmed reports of Commander Shepard's return? Although I can not conform or deny these rumours, there is a chance she could be there, leading Cerberus."_

"She wouldn't do that!" Kaidan growled but quickly pulled himself back into line. "Sorry Sir."

"_These rumours upset me as well, Commander. But if they are true we must not let Cerberus get away with it." _Anderson tilted his head in respect. _"I know that if anyone could step up to Shepard's shoes, it can be you, Commander."_

The link was disconnected and as soon as it was he felt his head drop, he was no where near Commander Shepard's rank, she had this way about her, was always strong when she needed to be but also kind and caring. And if she was working for Cerberus? How could he ever look passed that? They took down that Cerberus lab together, horrified by the cruel things they did.

He growled and left the Comm. Room, feeling a strange mix of emotion, every solider he passed saluted him but he paid no attention to them. Alyssa Rose Shepard was dead. She went down with the Normandy two years ago.

She was dead.

Dead.

* * *

><p>Alyssa Shepard stretched out her arms, a pleasing crack sound sounded and a smile came onto her face. She walked down the corridors of the Normandy SR2 with Garrus beside her. "Well, that went well." She commented lolling her head around.<p>

"Tends to always go well when it comes to you, Shepard." Garrus replied glancing over his shoulder at the man that followed a few steps behind him. "I don't like this whole Cerberus thing, Ally."

Shepard turned her head to join him at looking back at Jacob Taylor who took no obvious notice of the two of them looking at him. "Doesn't always go well, Garrus, last time I died." She flashed him a grin, seemingly so calm about the fact she had been dead- dead, for two knew that it just hadn't sunk in yet, he had been by her side through everything since she let him come along with her to chase down Saren. He had grown an attachment to the human and often became very protective of her, regardless of the fact she could break him in less then two seconds. "I really hate how casual you are about everything." He grumbled.

She sent him a small smile. "I can't let stuff get to me Garrus." She sighed and tugged at her tight ponytail which held back her long golden hair before moving on to play with her side fringe. "I've been on ships where the Commanding officer let their nervous and worries surface, even a little… the whole team feels it. Their on edge enough I don't need to add to it." She stopped walking and turned towards Jacob who had noticed her sudden stop.

"Commander?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Has Grunt settled in?" She asked curiously, rocking back on her heels, arms behind her back.

"I believe so, Commander." Jacob answered, serious look never faltering from his face.

She nodded her head. "Thank you Mr. Taylor, you may head back to your post now."

Jacob nodded his head, saluted and when she nodded to the salute he took his leave, Garrus shuttered and ran his talons along his gun. "Creeps me out." Alyssa sent him a grin before the two continued down the corridor, her smile had faded from her face and she seemed to just walk, instead of bound down the corridors. Garrus lightly grabbed onto her arm and forced her to stop once more. "What is it, Ally?"

Shepard took in a deep breathe, her eyes slowly drifting up to the Turians' face. "What…" She frowned turning away with a grunt.

"You want to know what it was like? The last two years?"

"My mind can't get around that, Garrus." She sighed. "For you… Liara… Tali… Joker…"

Garrus saw her pause, eyes staring down at the floor. "Kaidan." She swallowed hard at that but managed to nod her head. "He was a mess at your service… Joker too, he never stopped blaming himself."

"It felt like I went to sleep." Shepard shook her head. "Well… by that I mean it was like I fell asleep and woke up. Being spaced hurt."

"Everyone changed after you died, Commander. We weren't much without you." Garrus sent her an awkward smile which caused her to laugh.

She moved towards the Turian and threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly. Garrus gently wrapped his arms around her and lifted her up so he didn't have to bend over himself to return her hug. It was true he had missed her, missed her greatly. Shepard rested her head on the hard metal of his armour, thoughts still else where, but appreciate of his comforting words.

"_Ah, Commander, hate to interrupt this 'hugs and feelings' thing you got going on down there, but you got a call from the Illusive man."_ Joker's voice filled the ship and that was Garrus queue to quickly place her back onto her feet and take his exit, muttered a 'catch you later, Shepard'.

She glanced around herself until she saw the small cam sitting in the corner of the corridor, she pointed towards it with a frown. "I'll hit you for that." She growled turning back around to head for the Comm. Room.

"_Looking forward too it, Commander."_

* * *

><p>Kaidan paced along the boarder of the colony, an uneventful day and he knew the colonists didn't like the Alliance presence here. He simply did his job and waited for the inevitable attack on it. Iris had given him a few things from his quarters, the frame included which was folded up and in his pocket, right next to the toy, close enough to him so he could feel it. It gave him a sense of comfort to know she was close to him, some how.<p>

"The defence towers still aren't online yet, Commander." A female colonist, whose name he couldn't quite remember, spoke. She followed his foot steps when he moved.

"Their useless, we need them on." He sighed. "Anything else they've blamed on me?" He mused stopping to face her."Don't take it personally; these people just don't trust Alliance." She said softly.

Something caught the corner of his eye, he turned to see something coming from the distance, and he heard a few 'what is that?' from the colonists and reached out for his gun. A swarm of insects flew towards them from the ship as the ship landed beside the colony. "Get everyone somewhere safe, now!" Kaidan yelled pulling the gun from off his back holster and firing towards the bugs, nothing was happening, the bullets did nothing. He heard the colonists scream and try to run but he couldn't turn his body to look, he felt his feet freeze in place, the bugs landing on him, there wasn't anything he could do to stop them.

This wasn't Cerberus.

And he failed these people; he didn't even have a chance.

* * *

><p>"<em>This will be your new ship, lieutenant. You'll be under Captain Anderson and Commander Shepard." He simply nodded at the man who led him onto the Normandy. <em>

_He knew this was the same Shepard he had met all those years ago, he knew because he saw the report on the Blitz. She was a war hero, a common household name. He followed behind the man, glancing around at this amazing ship he had strolled onto, top of the line, or so they said. He worked hard to get here, to hopefully work for her, and see her saying that in his head made it sound a little creepy._

_He was lead into a small room where he could see Captain Anderson in his suit, waiting for him, arms behind his back. The man that had let him in saluted at the Captain before taking his leave._

"_Ah, Lieutenant Alenko. We have been waiting for you." His facial expression didn't change but the tone in his voice came across happy. "Commander, you're just in time."Kaidan turned around to face the door, there she stood as pretty as the posters made her out to be, hair up in a tight ponytail, falling into ringlets once allowed, side fringe across the right side of her face, bright eyes staring at him; the prettiest blue. Her armour shined in the light and her weapons matched, hoisted on her back. "Sorry I'm late Sir, one of the crew members asked a question.""That's quite alright, Commander." He replied. "If you'll excuse me I have something's I must do before we leave, Commander I'll leave you to show Lieutenant Alenko around."_

_Shepard saluted respectfully, Kaidan quickly following her lead. Anderson nodded to both and then made his way out of the room, leaving the two alone. Kaidan knew she wouldn't remember him, a woman such as herself wouldn't have him on her mind at all._

_But suddenly she ran towards him and threw her arms around his neck; he stumbled backwards at her sudden weight crashing against him. "Kaidan! I always hoped I'd run into you again." She smiled his lack of reaction made her laugh. "Still not much of a talker, huh?" She asked releasing him from her hug. He rubbed the back of his neck, still unsure of what to say to her. She looked into his eyes and a soft smile crossed her face. "I know we met only briefly, but I was so glad we did." And with that she turned and headed for the door. "I'll show you around, Lieutenant Alenko." She added over her shoulder._

* * *

><p>"Mordin, these suits will protect us, right?" Shepard asked sending a side ways glance towards the Salarian.<p>

He turned back towards her, large eyes blinking. "Have to test them against seeker swarms, should be exciting."

"Please tell me he's joking." She turned to look at Garrus, who in return shrugged his shoulders, sniper rifle in his talons.

"Not enough time. Works on single." Mordin replied.

Shepard shook her head and groaned. "Alright, let's be careful then." She nodded at both boys before making hand signals, telling them which way to go.

The mission was a long fight, these guys took some bullets before they fell, they were almost at the defence towers, that was until something caught her attention, two Collectors were pulling a pod along the ground, dragging it towards their ship. One hoisted up an end and that's when Shepard saw it and before her mind could tell her otherwise, she ran towards them, jumping up onto a near by crate and readying her sniper, lining up both shots with quick and effective ease.

"Shepard?" Garrus called out from behind the cover of a crate.

But she didn't listen, as soon as the two Collectors fell she jumped off the crate and ran towards the pod, she didn't see the Collectors to her right, the only thing on her mind was getting to that pod.

"Shepard!" Garrus yelled moving out from his cover to get a better shot at the Collectors.

She turned just in time to see the grenade land at her feet, exploding on impact. She flew backwards into a pillar, her shields beeping furiously. She quickly got back up onto her feet, pulling out her pistol and shooting at the Collectors, using the pillar she had hit as cover, her armour had dented, digging into her back at a funny angle but she was thankful it didn't puncture a hole in her suit. She reloaded her sniper and pulled out from behind cover, lining up her shot with ease and skill before taking them. The two collectors falling to the ground, dead.

"Shit." She muttered, wriggling in her suit uncomfortable but only for a moment before she ran to the side of the pod.

"Shepard?" Garrus tried again, angry clear in his voice.

She pulled her gun back, taking a deep breath before throwing it down onto the pod as hard as she possibly could, smashing the 'window' type area. A strange gas left the pod and Shepard dropped off it coughing violently. Mordin ran to her side and dragged her away from the pod. Garrus carefully moved towards the pod, peering inside it, he bent down quickly and lifted the person out of the pod. His eyes stayed shut, his breathing faint. He dragged him away from the pod before placing him on the ground.

"Alyssa." Garrus turned to look towards her; she was staring at the man he had just laid on the ground. "It's Kaidan." He felt stupid stating the obvious, but he knew she needed to hear these words.

She needed to stop.

She took a deep breath and got back onto her feet, reaching for her ear piece. "Joker, come in."

"_I'm here, Commander."_

"Send down the emergency shuttle, tell Miranda to come to the ground team, Mordin's coming up."

"_Any reason, Commander?"_

"…I found Kaidan…"


	2. Chapter 2

******Thanks to all who, reviewed and faved and alerted, i really love you all. Chapter two is short i know but chapter three will be long, enjoy and review please.  
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**Chapter Two**

Shepard swung her legs lazily over the med bay bed she was sitting on; Dr Chakwas had ordered her to stay here so she could check her over once she was finished with Kaidan. Whatever the gas was inside that pod, it was starting to affect her and she could feel it. It felt like a harsh pain travelling through her body and every now and then Dr Chakwas was shaking her shoulders harshly to keep her awake.

"Are you sure you are alright, Commander?" Dr. Chakwas asked, eyeing her carefully.

Shepard waved her hand in front of her face, as if trying to pass this off as a silly little problem. "Fine.""Alyssa we do not know what was in those pods." Dr. Chakwas frowned; crossing her arms firmly against her chest.

Shepard always thought of Dr. Chakwas as a mother type figure, she'd care for her when she hurt herself but gave her a long lecture about taking care in what she does. She was always there for her when she needed, Alliance or Cerberus. Shepard shuttered at the thought of Cerberus, man she hated their logos all over her ship.

"I warn you he will be in shock when he wakes, Alyssa." Dr Chakwas spoke again running over Kaidan's vitals again. "Do not be surprised if he is angry."

Shepard rubbed the back of her neck, a groan rumbling through her throat. "I didn't mean to up and die." She finished out the groan.

Dr. Chakwas gave her a soft and knowing smile, placing her aged hand gently on Shepard's knee, giving it a gentle pat. "He'll come around, Commander."

Shepard remained silent and simply stared over towards Kaidan, he was still unconscious on the med bay and it had already been two hours since she, Garrus and Miranda had damaged the Collector ship and re-boarded the Normandy.

What if he did hate her now that she was with Cerberus? _'Surely he wont act badly… he knows me, he knows I only do what's best.' _Her mind wondered, slowly ticking through all possible outcomes.

"Don't over think this, Commander." Dr. Chakwas put in her two cents once again. "He'll be awake within the next hour."

Shepard gave a grunted sigh but nothing else; Dr. Chakwas made her way over to her, pushing on her shoulder gently to force her into lying back on the bed. It was always like trying to give a cat a bath when it came to Shepard and the med bay. They both knew she'd rather deal with annoying pain then have to sit still and rest.

"Least the coughing has subsided- even if it does flare up every now and then." Dr. Chakwas sighed scanning over Shepard. "Did it have a smell?"

"The gas?" Shepard asked, eye brows raised but upon seeing Dr. Chakwas nod she continued. "I don't actually remember. When it hit me in the face all I could do was cough, then I felt Mordin drag me away from the pod."

Dr. Chakwas frowned but remained silent and that made Shepard a little uncomfortable, when Dr. Chakwas was silent it meant she was doing some serious thinking. Shepard felt sharp pain around her heart but kept a poker face as Chakwas continued scanning her. "You put your body through a lot, Commander." She sighed, Shepard couldn't tell if that was a good thing or not; somebody had too.

A groan sounded through the med bay and Shepard shot up in an instant, turning her eyes onto the man beside her, head twitching the slightest, fingers moving slowly. Dr Chakwas mentally sighed at his timing, now Alyssa would never let her finish examining her. Shepard slid off the bed and stood in-between the one she had been on and the one he was on. Dr. Chakwas saw the hesitation wash over Shepard. She found it fascinating that even though Alyssa was one of the strongest people she had ever met, she still became nervous at the thought of being rejected by one she cared deeply about.

Kaidan's eyes slowly fluttered open, his hand instantly reaching to grasp his head and another groan sounded. A frown grazed his features before anything else, blinking furiously. His head lolled to the side and that's when he saw her. Her bright eyes greeting him nervously and for a moment all he could do was stare at her."I'm dead." He said suddenly breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"Not just yet." Dr. Chakwas spoke walking up to stand beside Shepard and into Kaidan's view. "We weren't sure for awhile there though."

Kaidan heard Dr Chakwas but his eyes didn't waver from Shepard, not even to blink. Shepard broke the eye contact and cleared her throat. "I'm glad you are alright." It barely came out above a whisper and she felt embarrassed instantly.

Then without any warning Kaidan pushed himself up off the bed, bringing her harshly into his chest armour, her being in her casual clothes let out a grunt of pain upon hitting the hard metal but ignored it and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I thought you were dead." He whispered into her ear softly, feeling his breath run hot across her neck. "I heard rumours you were with Cerberus, those rumours killed me."

Shepard felt guilt in the pit of her stomach, even though it needn't be there. As much as she didn't want to she carefully placed her hands on his shoulders and pulled him out of the hug, eyes locking back onto his; god she missed him. "I'm not 'with Cerberus'… They're the only ones doing anything about the Collectors and the missing colonists. We have similar goals."

"So… You are working for them." He finally managed to look at something other than her, his eyes taking in the Cerberus logo's splashed across the ship, equipment and crew. "After everything they've done?" He was yelling now and it made her cringe.

"They brought me back from the dead, Kaidan. I was kind of in their debt." Shepard replied trying to defuse the situation before it escalated, but clearly Kaidan had other ideas.

"You saw the things they did!"

"And you saw what the Collectors are capable of." She retorted crossing her arms against her chest. "I would only do this for the right reasons, you know that.""You betrayed the Alliance, everything we stood for when we took down Saren… You betrayed me…" Kaidan stared at her and the look on his face and the words themselves forced her shoulders to slum.

Shepard opened her mouth to reply to him but when words weren't able to form a proper sentence it snapped shut. Kaidan was still furious, she could tell by the way he was standing; he hadn't finished his yell just yet. "I loved you, Shepard."Two words made her cringe once again _'loved' _and _'Shepard'_. She had always been Ally to him, always. She frowned and stared right back at him. "Open your eyes for once, Kaidan! The Alliance did nothing! The Council did nothing! Cerberus is at least doing something!"

Kaidan let a low growl rumble through his throat but didn't say anything else, instead he stormed passed her and out of the med bay but she wasn't going to give up that easily and quickly turned to follow after him.

"We're on a ship, Kaidan, where are you going to run off too?" She growled.

The cafeteria became very quiet as soon as Shepard had spoken, all eyes focused on them. Kaidan sent a glare towards each one, they seemed proud to wear the Cerberus logo and it made him sick.

"Off this ship!" He replied swinging back around to face her.

"Feel free to use the exits, being space is super fun." She shot back, arms folded once more, that was when people caught on that Alyssa Shepard was pissed and over your bullshit.

Garrus silently stalked out of main battery room, Miranda leaning against the wall just outside her office. Both there just in case this escalated more. Kaidan's upper lip curled upwards, showing his anger and annoyance. "Dock it somewhere, anywhere and get me off this ship."

"Listen to yourself!" She yelled, ignoring the nagging pain in her chest. "We have to stop the Collectors, that's what's important! Innocent human lives are at risk here!"

"I can't forgive the shit Cerberus has done, Shepard. It disgusts me that you can." He looked her up and down, as if assessing her. "You're not the woman I knew, I can't even look at you in that uniform."

That hurt and for a millisecond it showed all over her face but she quickly regained herself and her face went blank. "I'll have Joker dock us back at the Citadel. Then you can get the hell off my ship." She turned about ready to walk out, the feeling in her chest sharpened too intensely that she fell over herself, clawing at her chest.

Dr Chakwas was by her side in an instant gripping onto her shoulders hearing the choking noises that came from her, Garrus pushed passed Kaidan, hitting his shoulder against his back but not bothering to check over his shoulder to see his reaction, instead he bent down next to Shepard, talon against her back.

Shepard made a god awful hacking noise before she leaned forward and threw up, only it was blood that she threw up, and lots of it. Kaidan saw the blood and wanted to do everything in his power to help her but his angry froze him in place; unable to let it go.

"Quick! I knew the gas was destroying her from the inside. Garrus take her into the med bay and get her onto a bed, I'll get Mordin." Dr Chakwas yelled, releasing her grip on Shepard, passing her into Garrus' awaiting arms.

Garrus griped an arm around her waist, pulling her onto her feet. She turned to look at him. He didn't like the tiny bit of fear he saw in her eyes. Not one bit. She broke the eye contact to lean forward again and throw up more blood, the sounds made even Garrus a little queasy. He swiped her up in his arms, ignoring all else, and made his way back into the med bay.

Miranda grabbed a hold of Kaidan's arm, he flinched, head snapping around to face her but she didn't give him a chance to speak; instead she just pulled him into her office. He seemed confused as she roughly forced him into sitting on her couch before throwing a data pad at him."Look." Her voice had harshness to it. "You don't get to walk in now, expose her to toxic gas, and almost kill her then leave." She glared, standing in front of him with her arms folded. "You go through those files, you decided you still want to leave I will gladly kick your ass off this ship."

"I don't want to look through your lies-""They are all about Shepard." Miranda snapped. "And the information that we have found out about the Collectors, Shepard hates us too_ Alenko._ She lets us know it every change she gets. Nobody gets anything without strings attached." She was scowling at him and all he could do was sit there and take it. "She's wasting feelings on someone as weak minded as you." She scoffed just before exiting her office quickly, leaving him behind in her office with the data pads.

Kaidan stared hesitantly down towards the data pad sitting on his lap, he didn't want to look through them but he also really did. He wasn't sure what he'd find but he knew he couldn't not look through them, he owed Alyssa that much. Hell he owed her more than that and he felt ashamed about the words he had spoken to her without really knowing anything.

He pulled the data pad into his hands letting out a shaky breathe, time to put feelings aside and see the facts.

He had never felt sicker then what he did right now, seeing her the way she was before she was rebuilt. He held back the vomit that wanted to escape him; she had barely even been a person. Miranda's notes were thorough, almost too much so but they gave him a deeper sense of everything she went through.

He placed the data pad beside him; he had gone through it all twice, just to make sure he didn't miss anything. He placed his head in his hands, eyes wide, mouth gaped. He still found it hard to understand everything so quickly but he knew that Cerberus were indeed interested in helping the Colonists.

He got to his feet, slowly, to make sure he was still able too. What was he going to say to her first? He wasn't sure… Sorry perhaps? No that wouldn't cut it. He promised to love her and stand by her side no matter what then during his first test of that promise he failed.

Was she even alright?This thought made him panic and he hurried out of Miranda's office, ignoring the looks he received from the crew. He could see the blood trail lead to the med bay and practically ran towards it, storming into the room as soon as the doors let him.

Dr Chakwas looked over towards the doors but upon seeing him turn back around to focus on Shepard. "How is she?" The words sounded strange, even to him.

"Mordin is attempting to figure out something to counter-attack the gas." Dr Chakwas answered. "The gas she breathed in when she pulled you out of a Collector pod."

Kaidan caught the aggression in her voice and knew he deserved it. "…She awake?" He asked after a moment of silence."I had to put her to sleep so she'd stop vomiting blood. Her vitals are dropping and rapidly, I just hope Mordin can work fast enough."

Kaidan walked up to her bed to stand just beside it but no where near in the way of Dr Chakwas, Alyssa's hair was spread out across the bed, her eyes shut tightly, skin paler then normal. He felt a sudden fear come over him, what if she didn't wake and the words he said to her were the last.

Dr Chakwas saw the concern all over his face. "Mordin is brilliant. He'll figure it out." Her voice was back to its sweet and reassuring nature.

Another silence fell over them and Kaidan shifted on his feet, then after another moment he spoke. "… I saw the files…"

"They weren't easy to stomach, even for me." She replied reaching out for some medi-gel and applying it too her, trying to give Mordin as much time as she could. "I almost didn't believe it too. I saw her go down with the Normandy."

"It's still unbelievable." He muttered staring down at her.

"Well how do you think she feels?" Dr Chakwas spoke. "She was awoken, after being dead for two years, with the station she was on under attack. Once off it she was forced to get right back into her Commander mode and hasn't stopped. She's seen the files too, Kaidan." She sighed and took a step back from the bed. "I know she doesn't sleep well, Joker either for that matter."

"Me either." He muttered, unable to take his eyes off her.

Suddenly the med bay doors swung open, with a hissing sound. Mordin hurried in carrying something in his hands, Kaidan wasn't sure what exactly it was but he knew it had to help her. Mordin handed it to Dr Chakwas and without any questions she stabbed it into Shepard's upper arm.

The three of them stared down at the Commanders body, almost too nervous to take a breath while waiting to see if she responded. Her body arched and a gasp escaped from her, her body jolted violently for a second or two before it stopped. Dr Chakwas leaned forward to check her vitals only to be greeted with a large pair of blue eyes. "Thank goodness, Commander." She breathed. "You had as worried."

Shepard frowned out of uncertainly, wiggling on the bed. "… Hurts…" She groaned out.

"That doesn't surprise me." Dr Chakwas replied.

"Gas was safety precaution. Collector's part. Stop from loosing specimens. Took you longer to respond to it." Mordin explained eyes never stopped blinking.

"Mordin was able to come up with a counteract." Dr Chakwas added placing a hand on the Salarian's back.

Shepard pushed herself into a sitting position, grunting at the pain it caused her to move. "Thank you, Mordin."

"Glad to see you're alright, Commander." Kaidan managed to speak up and he saw her body stiffen at the sound.

She turned her head to look at him, her golden curls falling around her face, brightest blue eyes landing on him, god he missed seeing her like this. "Kaidan… you're still here…"

"Joker hasn't docked yet." He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth; he saw her head drop the slightest, shoulders slum. "But." He added quickly. "I want to help, Alyssa.""Me?" She asked in a shocked tone, an eyebrow raised.

"I should have trusted you before; I let my hate for Cerberus cloud my judgment. Thinking you were dead… well… knowing you were dead killed me." He stopped and turned to look at Dr Chakwas and Mordin who both were already staring at them.

Dr Chakwas quickly regained herself. "Let's give them some privacy." She said softly leading herself and Mordin out of the med bay.

"Believe it or not, Kaidan, dying killed me." He knew she was being sarcastic and spiteful but he knew he deserved it.

"I know your mad, at the things I said, hell I am mad at myself… but if you'll have me I'd like to stop the Collectors…. with you."

"That means wearing the Cerberus logo." She said it slowly. "You'd never do that."

"These Collectors need to be stopped, I know that and you're right, the Alliance are doing nothing to stop it." He sighed, carefully reaching forward to take her hand in his own, feeling her flinch. "I still need time to process everything that happened today… but if you'll have me join your team I will. If not you can kick me off the ship when it docks at the Citadel."

She stayed silent, managing only a simple nod of her head before pulling her hand away from his grasp. Kaidan sighed but took his hands away too. "I am sorry, Ally." And with that he turned to leave the room.


End file.
